Saturday, September 3, 2011

Home is a foreign place

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness"

Dickens, my one true love, comes to mind, so often in the city I now call home... As a child I had visited it and looked around in wide eyed wonder. The city famous for its chicanery and power made a dent in my little heart a long while ago. I remember wishing to be a part of it. A strange wish for a 10 year old.

Delhi, like truth, or like a diamond, has many facets- ugly and beautiful. It has many seasons- clear and distinct. It reminds me with each passing day that it is a truly transient world that I live in. In the city of wide streets, show and pomp, chicanery I have discovered parts of myself and strengths that I have come to cling to. I discovered a capacity for peace, for industry, for endurance, acceptance and for love that has reached past my body, my thoughts, my heart into some part of me that I hadn't known existed. It is here, that for the first time in my life, I felt myself coming apart like a braided edge of a shawl, the threads reaching everywhere. Delhi has seen me at my best and at my worst. It has let me flourish and contained my soul. In it I have learned to love with abandon and now to wear an armor of caution so that no one or nothing can pierce my heart.

I have found new friends, strangers, dogs who knew nothing beyond what I chose to display (which was really just an ointment face or a beaming smile) show strange affection and concern bordering on love, going out of their way to bring a smile on my face. In this city known for manipulation and power games, ironically, I learned to trust, based on what I sensed (may be one day I will rue it bitterly or maybe not).

Maybe Delhi, and everything in it was fate. I have felt despite my occasional sense of aloneness, I feel a door has opened- to the palace of illusions I dreamed of. A world of flux and change. A long time ago I lived in a fort with comfort, ease and protection- a little princess. Yesterday I lived in a palace of illusions, today I walk the road of changing seasons hoping winter is close and trials by fire will soon be done, tomorrow, who knows? Delhi, I say to myself. You've taught me a lesson, and you've taught it well.

Beyond the dark of my only window, a pale yellow moon hangs in the sky. What mysteries are hidden behind his pockmarked face? Time is perhaps a master player. But within the limits allowed to humans in this world that the sages call unreal, I will be a player too....

14 comments:

Chandrashekar said...

A real good one,,,,reminded me of the ol delhi ki sardi...days...

rosh said...

Really nice anu maam :) you should continue writing, you have a great flair for writing, looking forward for more :)

Anonymous said...

Commenting again on popular demand:)
How Bizarre! You and I seem to be on the same journey, I wrote something similar today!

Love

Nidhi said...

anuu, its beautiful, makes me think of how i felt when i moved from place to place and the number of ugly and beautiful memories each place left with me.

TC said...

Lovely Anu! No better way than words to express the way you feel.. Delhi definitely seems to have captured your heart! :)

Ananya said...

I bet 'Chicanery' is either a new word you've come across, or a word you consciously wanted to use in your writing.Or maybe you like the word :P LOL but as always I Love your writing. You know I hate Delhi and a big reason as to why I do, is because its keeping you away from ME and all of us who love you. Period.

Anonymous said...

wow...it reflects your peace and understanding with/about LIFE and TIME. Exaltation that you have finally found small and big experiences that make 'you' and that too in your 'right now'.it felt like you cleaned and arranged all your thoughts lovingly. nice to know you are keeping up the cautions with persons and situations. at the same time, you are connecting with your world too. thats equally necessary!!

and the thing you shared about being in the city when you were younger and feel a connect with it, it happened with me and Bombay (i still like calling it that!) i agree completely.

loved your write...<3

Sahana said...

Loved it...you should continue writing!!!

Anonymous said...

It is true in every city. The city where have grown up too has ugly and beautiful facets. But we take it for granted without bothering. It is only in the new city, where one is alone may find it interesting to observe as an outsider. Any way keep writing

Neelu said...

Hey Anu!! Like the fact that you have found your palace and peace!! Love the write.. Keep the smile :)

Anonymous said...

Very well written...hug!

akanksha said...

i simply love what u have written. Delhi seems like a nice place after reading this but i m sure it cant be better than bangalore.

Vinu said...

nice!! :)

Truth said...

As I told you already I loved the piece! And agree with Akanksha, it cant be better than Bangalore!! :)