Jumping out of bed I open the glass & let the light in & let the wind wash over me. Peace. The wind never fails to delight me. My feet sink into the grass and mud. I laugh remembering my mother- she tried so hard to teach me to wear my footwear before stepping into a garden space. I'm thirty today and I'm still barefoot in the grass! Still a child.
I wonder if I'm supposed to feel different? Have a big life changing moment? Have some great revelation. There is no earth shattering insight- I like that. Light has come after much darkness I choose to enjoy it, without thought, without question, without past without future.
Peace gives way to my great musings. I wonder what cake I am going to get myself today. Apple spice, a chocolate tart? Do I have some new clothes to wear? Will I treat myself to something exciting? What may it be? I am amused- I "ought" in more conventional worlds be thinking about the larger picture- kids, life and so on, things that the world thinks is important!
I wave at the gardner who brings me flowers each day. I like the simplicity of my world. My feet in the grass. The wind in my face. Flowers in my hand. Open spaces and warm hearts. That is what my world is made of. Small bits of happiness. Chuckling to myself I acknowledge that maybe I am unconventional- I like going "home" occasionally. I don't miss my bed or my cupboard. I like flitting in and out of what is familiar. I like being like the wind blowing through leaves leaving no trace but in memory. I realize I am the nun and the gypsy. I am peace with the dichotomy and I am happy. I am thirty. I am crazily in love with myself just as I was when I was two! I guess time doesn't change somethings!
My promise to myself for starting on the complete wrong side of twenty is to see Russia. A present for the child in me. To laugh a lot, travel, dress to kill and read. Thats for the woman I'm supposed to be!
Thank you all for giving me a fantastic thirty years! I wouldn't be me if not for you!