Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Tat Tavam Asi

Sometimes its wonderful to gather memories in the palm of my hand, blow the dust off them and sort them out and place them gently on the table for examination. Also enthralling is the experience that is occurring while simultaneously there is a realization that this moment in time will be imprinted in the neurons of my brain and there will be a neural pathway that is formed. When I remember it will light up and form a pattern like that of fairy lights! Its marvelous that there are so many different patterns that light up- each so different from the other, but yet one pathway triggering off and tripping the lights of another! Its a freaking christmas tree inside my head!

My current exercise is to try & ensure that patterns are formed but to allow myself to be completely in the moment, not think of past patterns or those that are currently being formed inside while I experience the experience. Its a tough task- in may ways its like letting go of control and complete surrender to the experience; not being the doer, recorder, analyzer and the observer at the same time. It has taken immense submission of will to realize that I am more the observer and the recorder than the doer. Everything that is experienced must be recorded. A watchful eye must be kept on the pattern being formed, identifying how similar the current pattern being formed is to previous patterns, why it is so- it only means that the pattern must be broken but is not broken. There is experience and there is thought, then thoughts on those thoughts and more thoughts. Of course, the term is metacognition- cognition on cognition. I've been too busy in seeing lights form patterns, identify and analyze that in all of that I've forgotten to learn and just watch and be the doer. 

For a long time I have believed that 'I' am not my thoughts but never lived it. I have been a slave to my thoughts and bound by it. The lights in my brain- I have watched them dip, dim and grow. I have become them- my memories and my ego. I have let myself be defined by them. My existence as a person has been limited to the neurons in my brain- beautiful fairy lights- I am more than that. Tat tavam Asi

Nasrul Minal-ah-e- wah fatah un Kareeb